How I Was Diagnosed with Breast Cancer at 38 Years Old

On May 29th, my whole life changed. I went to the doctor for my yearly physical and she felt a lump. It was a lump I thought I had felt a year ago but my Gyno said it was nothing and was just the way my tissue was. I’ll never know if it was the lump I felt or was truly nothing so I can’t dwell on it. My PCP thank goodness is amazing and put in a rush order for a mammogram and ultrasound and I was able to get in the next day.

I first did the mammogram, which wasn’t as bad as I was expecting. After the mammogram, I went to another room for the ultrasound and the tech had me wait with the gown still on after she was done because she said the doctor may want to do more images. When the doctor came in, she did another ultrasound and said, you’re going to need a biopsy and she said it’s ok though because it’s good we caught it like this. I started crying because I was overwhelmed and they said I would get a call that day to get on the schedule for a biopsy. I got in my car and drove home in a daze. In my heart, I knew it was cancer. I got the scheduling call an hour later and they were able to get me scheduled for the following Wednesday June 5th. I talked to Clark and my mom and sisters and they all tried to reassure me that it was probably benign but I just knew from the way they talked to me after the ultrasound that it was cancer. The next day was Friday and I got my results of the ultrasound and mammogram and they came with the details that it was a suspicious 1.77cm mass categorized as BIRADS 5 which is 95% or greater chance of malignancy. When I saw that, I literally started shaking. Having it confirm my fears gave me peace in some way but also made me desperate to find some example of someone with a BIRADS 5 that was benign. The wait until my biopsy was excruciating and made it hard for me to stay focused and present. I kept moving forward because of the kids and kept myself as busy as possible.

When I met the radiologist the morning of the biopsy she explained to me that she would put a marker in that they could easily access when I had surgery. I stopped her and said “you said when not if I have surgery” and she was said “yes, I’m sorry, we’re pretty sure this is cancer”. She explained what BIRADS 5 means which confirmed all of my research. The biopsy itself was pretty painful and I had a lot of soreness after. Apparently I bled out the marker, so they had to numb me again and put another one in. It was so much more tolerable with more numbing medicine so I learned to speak up if it hurts! They sent me home with ice packs and told me the results would be ready in 1-3 days. I couldn’t pick up Connor that day and had to warn the kids to be gentle.

The next day, I was still sore but it was just uncomfortable, not painful. It was the kids last day of school so we kept busy and did all the fun celebratory parties. Friday morning, I had a showing and then we packed the car and hit the road to go to the Neighborhood Hotel in Grand Beach with 5 other families to celebrate the first weekend of summer. It was a blessing to have the trip to distract me. I was obsessively checking my phone but the call didn’t come until 4:30. We were at the pool with everyone so I snuck back up to our room and answered the call. It was the radiologist who did the biopsy and she said I’m so sorry but the biopsy confirmed what we thought and it is cancer. She went on to explain that it was Invasive Ductal Carcinoma (IDC) Grade 2 which means it’s not the slowest growing (grade 1) or the fastest growing (grade 3). She said it measured 1.77cm and from the images they didn’t see any lymph node involvement but that I would be talking to a nurse navigator on Monday. It was a lot to take in but it was almost like it wasn’t happening to me, it was just something that happened. So I didn’t break down and cry because I think in my heart, I already knew it was coming. As soon as I got off the phone with her, I shot off a text to my friends and family who knew about the biopsy that the diagnosis was in. I also called my neighbor who is a Breast Cancer Surgeon and he explained everything that would happen next and gave me a recommendation for which surgeon he liked at NWM and that I would need to get my appointments scheduled with the Breast Cancer Surgeon, the Medical Oncologist, a Breast MRI, and genetic counseling. He also said I would have to make a decision about speaking with the Fertility specialist if I wanted to preserve my eggs before treatment. Clark and I said we were done but knowing that the decision is really final was definitely a blow I wasn’t mentally prepared for. I knew I didn’t want to go through that so it was one less appointment to go through.

After I chatted with my neighbor and replied to my families texts, I went back down and hung out with everyone. I didn’t want to share the news because I didn’t want to bring the mood down. I ended up telling one of my friends later that night because she had seen me disappear upstairs for awhile and was worried. I’m glad I shared with her because it was the first time I had to say “I have Breast Cancer” and it made it more real which I think I needed to start realizing. We had a great weekend with the kids and I tried to stay present and engaged because I knew come Monday, I would have to start my new reality.

When we got back to the city on Sunday, I talked to my neighbor and he explained what my tumor markers meant. I am ER+ HR+ and HER2-. Which means my cancer feeds on estrogen and progesterone so my first step would be surgery followed by chemo/radiation if necessary and then 5-10 years on a hormone blocker called Tamoxifen. While in the scheme of things, this is good, it still sucks thinking about being on a drug with so many side effects. He also explained that with the size of my tumor, I could be a candidate for a lumpectomy if I wanted to and that would require 3-5 weeks of radiation. He said the outcomes are close with a mastectomy and lumpectomy with radiation but I already was leaning towards a mastectomy in my head since my grandmother had breast cancer in her 50s and she had it again her 70s in the other breast.

On Monday, I spoke with the nurse navigator (these people are like angels and so nice), and got my appointments scheduled for an MRI the following week followed by the appointment with the Medical Oncologist and then the Genetic Counselor. The MRI was fine and only took about 30 minutes. You’re laying face down with your head in a little hole kind of like a massage table. They put headphones on you and play music so other than being uncomfortable keeping my arms over my head it really wasn’t bad. I had my meeting with the Oncologist that Thursday and she explained the plan to have surgery first and that they would then run the oncotype and check my lymph nodes to see if Chemo or radiation would be necessary. I asked her about the ki67 score and she mentioned that while my number is high (it was a 70 and over 25 is considered high) that on it’s own it is not enough to justify chemo which was a relief.

My results from the MRI came the following week and there were 2 small satellite tumors found on the left and a Birads 4C found on the right that they recommended biopsying to hopefully avoid the lymph nodes on my right if it was benign. I really didn’t want to do another biopsy, especially not an MRI guided one but I went ahead since avoiding lymph nodes outweighed some discomfort in the short term. I got the MRI guided biopsy scheduled for July 1st and went on mentally preparing.

That Friday, I had my consult with the Breast Cancer Surgeon. He explained everything to me and laid out my options which aligned with what my neighbor had explained to me. I told him I had made up my mind for a double mastectomy with reconstruction. He confirmed that I should go through with the MRI guided biopsy and said we would get my surgery scheduled once I had my consult with the plastic surgeon which was on July 10th. I left feeling good about my decision and felt confident in my choice.

When I went in for the biopsy, I let them know I felt sharp pain the last time so they adjusted the numbing accordingly and it wasn’t bad. You go into the MRI machine, they pull you back out and line up the biopsy machine, then you go back in to make sure its in the right spot, then the pull you back and they do the biopsy and put the clip in and then you go back in one more time to make sure it’s in the right spot. The whole thing was under 30 minutes and I thought it was better than the MRI alone since you’re going in and out so much so it passed the time quicker. Afterward they send you down for a mammogram to make sure that the clip is in the right spot and then send you on your way. I was much less sore after this biopsy but I had some crazy bruising.

On July 3rd, I took Gavin and Payton to the pool and actually read a book since I couldn’t swim yet and while we were there, the doctor called with the good news that it was benign! It felt so strange to get good news after weeks of bad news. I was over the moon and called my family to tell them. We celebrated a fun 4th of July weekend and I had a break from appointments while I waited for my consult with the plastic surgeon on the 10th.

Wednesday the 10th, I went in for my plastic surgery consult and instantly felt like I made a good choice. The surgeon and his team put me at ease and explained the whole process and took some measurements and photos. I never wanted fake boobs so I told him I was hoping to stay the same size but perkier. He said since we were doing the nipple sparing mastectomy and I’ve breastfed 3 babies, my skin is a little loose so we may need to make them slightly bigger to fill the skin. While it wasn’t what I wanted to hear, I’m embracing every curveball and hoping for the best. He said his team would coordinate with the breast surgeon’s team and we would try and get it scheduled for the first week of August.

Waiting for the call for the surgery date was brutal. I wanted to plan for my mom to come and prep everything and hopefully still take my girls trip with Payton which was scheduled for July 31-Aug 3rd. When I got the call saying the surgery would be August 8th, I honestly felt like I already knew it would be that date. We actually already had my moms flight to arrive on the 7th because Clark and I were supposed to be taking our 10 year anniversary trip that weekend. It seemed only fitting to get diagnosed on our anniversary and then get surgery when we were supposed to take our trip. We moved my moms flight to the 6th and changed our mommy daughter girls trip to be shorter and return on the 2nd so i could have the whole weekend home before surgery.

I filled those last 3 weeks with as much pool time and fun as I could and Payton and I had so much fun in San Diego visiting my sister and her kiddos. (If you have a little girl I 10 out of 10 recommend doing a mommy daughter trip!) Payton is 6 and has been asking for awhile and with the diagnosis, I’m so grateful we have that memory pre-surgery. We spent Saturday the 3rd with me coaching Payton’s basketball game, a full day at the pool and dinner with our neighbors. It was a perfect summer day and exactly what I wanted. The next day unfortunately started with Payton spiking a fever and vomiting all day. If you know me, you know the stomach bug runs rampant in my house and my anxiety for puking is EXTREMELY HIGH. With surgery looming, I immediately started all my old wives tales of grape juice, kombucha, and activated charcoal. I was so stressed I would get sick and my surgery would get moved. Monday was supposed to be my last day of work before surgery and I had 3 sick kids home so it was not the productive day I was hoping for. Tuesday morning Connor woke up vomiting and proceeded to vomit all day. My anxiety was a 10/10 but this whole experience has taught me that we truly can’t control anything in life and the quicker you accept that the more peace you feel every day. My mom arrived that day and I was so grateful for her help. Wednesday morning everyone woke up better and we decided to go to the kids fave restaurant, D’agositino’s for lunch. Later that afternoon I got the call that my arrival time for surgery would be 11:45am and I needed to fast beginning at midnight.

Thursday morning we got the kids off to camp and daycare and Clark and I headed to the hospital. Connor had a hard time with dropoff and it was so sad, I cried. I hadn’t cried much leading up to surgery day, so I think all the nerves I pushed away were bubbling up. Surgery started at 3pm and I was in recovery around 8pm. I was super groggy and don’t really remember it but I remember seeing Clark when they got me to my room around 9pm. I was pretty nauseous and vomited and felt better once they gave me more anti-nausea meds. The first thing I felt was extreme tightness and heaviness. They put a prevena plus vacuum thing over my chest and it keeps a tight seal over the chest. I had 2 drains on each side so I was feeling overwhelmed with the amount of things on my body but just tried to get some sleep. They discharged me around noon and we headed home with my mastectomy pillow in tow. I got settled with my wedge pillow and was so happy the surgery was in the rearview mirror.

My mom and Clark had to manage the stripping of the drains the first day because I couldn’t move my arms enough to do it myself. The discomfort was the worst part and I didn’t feel too much pain as long as I wasn’t moving. Each day got better and now I’m on day 7 post surgery and moving around so much better. The love and support I received in the form of calls, food, gifts, child care, flowers, cards, and texts meant more to me than anyone knows. I told my mom it’s kind of like dying and reading your obituary; it’s not often you take time to recognize the good in your life while you have it. It sometimes takes something scary to help you see how much love you have in your life. I am grateful to each and every person who showed my family love during this time. I am blessed.

I wanted to write out my story of the first 2 months from diagnosis to the start of treatment because when I was first diagnosed, all I wanted was to find stories of people who were like me and had gone through this. So I hope someone out there finds this and gets some peace from reading my experience. My journey isn’t over with hormone therapy starting soon and my oncology follow up next week to determine if additional treatment is necessary, but I can say that I feel more peace now than I did in those first weeks from my PCP finding the lump to the diagnosis. Sending love to anyone who finds themselves in this scary unknown of breast cancer, you’re not alone. And don’t forget…always make time for your health, if I hadn’t had my PCP appointment, who knows what would have happened.